Make a list of those who have loved you

Who has loved you?

Many people who come to see me have had lives that were deficient in wholesome love, especially during their early childhood years.  This has cast a pall over their emotional lives as adults.  They are plagued by many questions, including:  “Why did I not receive more love in my past.  What is wrong with me that I am so unlovable?”

Whether parents were emotionally unavailable because of some problem in their own lives, or whether some set of circumstances prevented us from being parented much at all (an unfortunate institutional living situation), or for a host of other circumstances, when we do not have those all-important feelings of being loved and special to others, there is unhappiness and often a sense of hopelessness about being loved as an adult.

However, God and the universe were often reaching out to us through others around us in ways that we were not able to take in at the time…and in ways that we need to pay more attention to now.

In recent weeks I have been asking some of my clients to think back in their lives and make a list of people who reached out to them in love when they were younger.  Often an aunt, uncle, or grandparent, a teacher, or the mother of a friend saw a need in our life and attempted to offer what love and interest and care they could offer to us.  Sometimes they secretly guessed what it was like to live in our homes, and attempted to make our lives better.

It can be helpful to think back on these people and meditate on what their thoughts and feelings about us might have been.  We were loved…by those around us who could do so.

This simple act can bring great hope to our lives.  Make yourself a list and reflect on those important people…and their interest in you!  Don’t underestimate the value of this exercise.

You are indeed lovable.  You always have been.

You may notice that the date of this post is a long time since my last post.  I took some time off from this blog to simplify my life for a while.  It’s nice to be back!


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