We can all say that we have fights inside ourselves. It’s true…one part of me takes a position on something, and another part of me disagrees.
Polarities. They happen all the time.
Often we try to get rid of one side of a polarity. That’s not a good idea! Typically each side has something important to offer, and the two sides need to be reconciled. Hating part of ourselves is similar…not a good idea. If we look closely, each part of us typically means well, though we may be acting or thinking in an unsophisticated or childlike manner.
When something traumatic happens to us as children, or later in life, the part of us that remembers the event tries to figure out what to do to make us feel better. If it can’t get closure on the event, it becomes “unfinished business”. Whenever we think about the trauma we become upset, and we typically try to push the part of us that remembers it aside so that we can function as well as possible. Another term used to describe this is “compartmentalization.”
Interestingly enough, when we do this we isolate the part of us that has the feelings and memories. And I mean, we really isolate it. It does not particularly grow or change as time goes on. It retains the level of thinking that it had when the event happened. As a result, it thinks in unsophisticated terms and has poor problem solving abilities. In other words, many of the parts of us that are so destructive are that way because they are essentially “young”, not evil.
It turns our that we don’t just have an “inner child”, but we have inner children, or various parts of us that need compassion and healing.
This is not to say that we don’t have a core, mature self. We do. But we have dissociated parts of us that are frozen in time, and who get excited and inundate us with discomfort and anxiety and a thousand other feelings when they are upset.
Don’t let them fight. And don’t try to get rid of them. Become your own therapist or find one to help you…and “rehab” them. Help them to find healing.
Here’s hoping for a happier inner house for all of us.