Find your missing parts

Finding yourselfWe often form relationships with others who seem to contain our “missing parts.”  By that I mean our sense of humor if we’re not funny or our outspokenness if we’re shy.  This is a basic principle of Imago Therapy, as popularized by marriage therapy guru Harville Hendrix.

However, as the theory goes, we become unhappy because being with someone who has our missing pieces doesn’t do for us what we hoped.  We don’t seem to be able to take that missing piece and incorporate it into our own lives, or what seemed to be a “match” ended up being a “mismatch.”  The introvert marries an extrovert and feels left behind as she walks off at a party to meet new people and leaves him behind.

The truth of the matter is that typically our parts aren’t missing.  We’re just not in touch with them.  Don’t try to substitute someone else’s humor for yours.  You have your own brand of humor–look inside and let it shine.  Often your gut will tell you what you want to say while your head is awash with “socially correct” but boring possibilities.

You are more than you think in any way that really matters.  Give yourself a try!


Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples, Harville Hendrix, Macmillan, 2007.

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